


Lavender

by Dragonova9098



Category: The Last of Us (Video Games)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Child Abuse, Denial of Feelings, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/M, Fluff and Angst, How Do I Tag, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Underage Rape/Non-con, more like implied tho
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-30
Updated: 2021-01-06
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:41:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 15
Words: 18,739
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26733037
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dragonova9098/pseuds/Dragonova9098
Summary: Rebecca lived her life in peace inside the walls of Jackson but when her past caught up to her she was faced to choose between fixing it or throwing everything she had built up in Jackson over the past year and possibly leaving the man she loved behind.
Relationships: Joel (The Last of Us)/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 12
Kudos: 37





	1. When you are young they assume you know nothing

**Author's Note:**

> I kinda forgot but the setting was right after the ending of The Last Of Us I. So no TLOU2 spoilers here

The ride up to the old library was light. Air was getting hot as summer slowly crept in. Rebecca and James rode their horse side by side, wary of their surroundings, and fortunately, so far they haven't encountered some infected nor hunters yet. Rebecca's purpose was to look for supplies while James was only there to look out for her. Both of them are quiet, not because they don't want to attract attention, but because as soon as James opens his mouth Rebecca will just shut him up immediately.

It's nothing actually, a little rumor here and there. But James knew Rebecca, and he didn't think it was only rumor. Something happened between them. And the whole town can see it. They went from an obvious lover to an obvious stranger, from having late-night dinners at each other's house to degradingly staying out late to avoid each other. And as for James, it's just so hard not to scratch the itchy subject.

"So.." he started, "what happened?"

Rebecca remained silent. It's either that or she'll lash out.

"You know what I think? I think something happened," he continued. They've reached the old library and dismounted their horse, Rebecca still ignoring him. 

"Okay, I know I'm prying into your business and I'm sorry, but care to explain? You're not like your usual self anymore. Hiding in the hospital, like a child" James scoffed. He'll have to push her harder in order for her to talk, and he'll do that even if he has to suffer the consequences.

They made their way in, dragging the horses so it won’t run away. James tried asking again, not giving up. "You know releasing negative emotion is best when facing a heartbreak"

Rebecca snapped at that. "Oh, shut up James!" 

"Atta girl!" James teased, "tell me more."

"Nothing happened!" She argued.

"This is far from nothing. Camping in the hospital to avoid your ex is nothing" he argued back. 

Rebecca has been holding back on beating James down. "He. Is. Not. My. Ex," she stated, emphasizing each word so that somehow it might retain on James' nearly rotting brain. 

Rebecca went to the librarian's desk to sign the logbook when she heard a loud thud. Immediately she spun around, drawing out her pistol. Seeing James lying on the ground, head first, is not what shocked Rebecca but seeing the man who hit James unconscious does.

"It's okay," the man said. Raising his arms and letting the plank he used to hit James in the head drop on the ground. Rebecca kept the gun pointed at him and carefully the man threaded lightly towards her.

"It's just me Rebecca," he said, hands still raised.

"I know who you are. What are you doing here!? Who sent you!?" Rebecca asked.

"Nobody. I sent me," he said.

"This is no place for somebody like you," Rebecca said to the man, "leave this place, Jacob. Now!"

"I will, but hear me out first," Jacob drew his gun out, Rebecca immediately cocked hers, which made Jacob back away a little. "No, no, no! See!" He carefully placed the gun down at the floor and kicked it away. He picked something from his pocket and showed the folded paper to Rebecca. "I came looking for you because of this," he said.

Reluctantly, Rebecca lowered her guard. He took the paper and opened it. A beautiful blonde woman, in her mid-thirties, smiling, her perfectly white teeth showing, and has deep blue eyes that you could drown into, standing in front of a hospital Rebecca was too familiar with, she could close her eyes and still see her way in it. Jacob handed her an old picture of her mother, she hasn't seen her for a long time, her memory of her already blurring a little bit.

"Where.." Rebecca trailed, smiling at Jacob. "Oh, you bastard! How?" 

"I knew you'd like it," Jacob brought out a tobacco stick and lit it. "Found it at her hospital"

"That place is crawling with infected, how?" She asked again, overjoyed, the earlier incident already was forgotten.

"We cleared it," he answered, puffing his tobacco. "My boss.. he, um, kinda made it his new base, well, he made the whole Portland his"

"Your boss? What kind of dangerous people are with now?" 

"Well.. you know. This and that kind '' Jacob offered the tobacco to Rebecca, in which she obliged. Jacob sighed, "Rebecca come back with me, back to Portland, this might be your only shot if you want them down."

Rebecca stared at him, confused about what he was saying. She just burrowed her brows at him. Subconsciously, she knew where this conversation is leading, anticipation and anxiety bubbling up within her, the tip of her fingers itching for her gun.

"Listen, Bobby," at the mention of that name, Rebecca stepped back and gripped her gun, staring Jacob down, "he is weak, the whole militia is weak. We just reclaimed Portland. Everyone is either tired or injured. I know you want them down. I know you want him down," Jacob sighed, he knew this subject was a taboo for Rebecca, he knew, but he wanted to bring them down too.

"Jacob, you don't know what you are dealing with," Rebecca murmurs. Tears gleamed in her eyes.

"Rebecca, if someone in this godforsaken world is supposed to be out there bringing them down, it’s supposed to be you!" Jacob pointed a finger to Rebecca's chest.

"I have a life here now! I can't just.." she trailed. "I can't just leave it behind!" Rebecca pointed at James to prove her point.

Jacob took the tobacco back and placed it at his mouth. "Look, I know this is sudden, as what I told you earlier, this might be your only chance. I'll bring you back. Bobby will accept you again. And from the inside, we could tear them down"

"That's pretty ambitious even for you," Rebecca said.

"I'll give you a day. Think about it. Tomorrow I'll leave with or without you," Jacob puffed his tobacco again as he left.

Rebecca was undecided. She paced the library, or what used to be, back and forth. She can't just leave everything she has in Jackson just for that, but she also can't pass an offer like that. What they did to her was unforgivable, and yet, she has long buried her anger to them. She's content now, even with whatever is happening between her and Joel. She's content. 

James grunting snapped Rebecca out of her thoughts, she'll have to bring him back and tend to his head. Rebecca carried James and slung him on his horse, she tied the lead rope on her horse and headed back to Jackson. As soon as they're back, James was transferred to the hospital where Rebecca fixed him herself. Dragging an unconscious person back at the camp caused worry from everyone, questions of what and how kept flying over Rebecca's head as she tried to avoid it. She shut herself in James' room, telling everybody that he needed to be observed and she basked at the peacefulness the private room brought. She ponders about the encounter she had earlier. 

A knock brought her back to the present.

"Go away!" Rebecca shouted.

"I would like to. But I heard James got knocked out," a familiar voice said from the other side of the door.

Rebecca stood from where she was sitting and opened the door. Tommy looked at her, concerned. She let him in and he sat on the chair. "What happened?" He asked.

"He's fine,'' Rebecca said, then she realized she didn't answer the question. "A plank fell off his head"

"Plank did this?" He asked again.

"Yes. He was securing the ties of the horses when it fell on him," Rebecca is good at almost everything and lying is one of her specialties. Keeping eye contact, keeping your story straight and simple.

Tommy seemed to buy the plank story, he nodded and asked again, "how are you?"

"I’m fine. Aside from having to carry him to his horse, it's peachy," Rebecca answered.

"Not that. The thing between you, and, um.. my brother" the last part was more of a whisper, clearly even Tommy was afraid of breaching this subject.

Rebecca just sighed. She manages to avoid showers of question about James' incident earlier only to face the consequence where she has to answer this. And to hell, if someone in Jackson should know what's happening, it should be Tommy. For all Rebecca has known, he and Joel have been inseparable ever since the older brother came back. "I’m fine," she repeated.

Tommy nodded. Then he shifts the mood by saying, "Maria is expecting you to dinner tonight. Don't be late," he smiled at her as he left.

Rebecca left a few hours after Tommy did.

Around 7, Rebecca made her way to Tommy's house. She could already hear Maria's voice scolding her about James, telling her that they should have been more careful. She cringed at the thought of it but she didn't hate it, she likes it, that Maria is scolding her, sometimes it makes her feel like her mom is still here. She walked up to their front porch and knocked on the door.

She braced herself, wearing her best smile. Only when the door opened it wasn’t Maria who welcomed her. Ellie beamed at her and pulled her in.

"She's here!" She shouted. Ellie dragged Rebecca to the dining area where Tommy, Maria, and Joel, who was as surprised to see her, were waiting. The food was already served on the table and evidently, she was who they are waiting for.

Rebecca's eyes fell on Joel, who is looking directly back at her. Ellie sat beside him while Rebecca sat beside Maria. The tension in the room was thick, Rebecca kept her eyes low while Joel kept his on her. Tommy eyed the two of them back and forth while Maria eyed him, telling him to break the ice. Tommy cleared his throat.

"I think we should eat," he said.

They ate quietly except for Ellie who kept on telling stories about her day. Maria and Tommy took turns engaging with her while the other two kept eating in silence. In Maria's haste on lightening the mood, she brought James up.

"I heard you had an accident on patrol earlier," she said.

Rebecca shrugs, "it's not an accident. James was just being James"

The other three on the table could feel the coldness on her tone that they immediately shut up. Rebecca ended that conversation as fast as she can. She was eating as fast as she could so she could excuse herself early. Her only goal is to not cause any more damage to what is already broken.

"You were in an accident? On a patrol?" Joel's voice broke the thick ice that Rebecca desperately put up. 

Rebecca slowed down eating, swallowing her latest bites. The other three swore they felt the calm before her storm, or well  _ their _ storm. Ellie tried changing the mood again by asking a knock-knock joke but failed as soon as she said  _ 'knock-knock'  _ and just sank on her chair, downing her chicken.

Rebecca sighed, the last person she ever wanted to know about earlier's incident was this man. "It's fine Joel, a plank fell on James' head. Not mine," she explained.

"You should be more careful," Joel scolded.

Rebecca scoffed. "Yeah, as if you care"

"You know what. I care!" Joel said. Raising his voice.

"As if!" Rebecca matched Joel's. Damage is done, what's good in avoiding the destruction of something that is already destroyed, to begin with anyway. Yeah they had a lovely run together, he made her laugh, she made him happy. But in this world, happiness is a luxury nobody can afford. Attachments will get you killed. Love will weaken you. Maybe that's why Joel denied her his love. Maybe that's why she can't have Joel.

Joel stared Rebecca down. In fact, he cared. The moment he heard the news about Rebecca earlier he did his best not to run to her just to see if she was okay. That's why as soon as he could, he dropped everything and went to Tommy, asking him to check up on her. Joel reminisced on their time together, they were happy. Then they were not. It's nobody's fault but Joel, after all, he was the one who decided to end things with her. He loves Rebecca, he cherishes her but... Joel sighed, he stood to leave. 

"I'm sorry!" Rebecca said, defeatedly. The last thing she wanted was for Joel to leave his own family dinner.

Joel stared at her and sighed, again, and then sat down.

"Eat," Rebecca said to Joel as she wiped her mouth, stood, and left.

Rebecca shut herself back in her house, sitting in her bed gazing out of her window, drink in hand. She drowns in alcohol as she let the time pass. After 11, she saw Joel walking back to his house across hers. She watched him as he entered, watched as his bedroom light opened, and as it closed. Rebecca switched hers after that and hit the hay. 

That night, she dreamt of Bobby. 

She woke up early in the morning, covered with sweat. She bathed and went to James', when she saw him up, she felt a little sense of relief. She dragged him to the gate where they asked Tommy if they could go out again. Supposedly, they went out yesterday to look for supplies but was interrupted. Rebecca was talking to Tommy when Joel came and greeted them a 'good morning' in which Rebecca just ignored. She kept her eyes anywhere except Joel's direction.

Rebecca and James were included in the group of patrollers that morning. On the far end of the group, Joel mounted his horse. He partnered with Esther and they have to patrol the western side of the forest while Rebecca and James will follow the same path they took yesterday.

The gates opened. Rebecca and Joel parted ways. 

In the library, when Rebecca and James reached it, Jacob was waiting for them, leaning on the door smoking his tobacco. Instinctively, James drew his shotgun and aimed it at Jacob. He dismounted his horse while Jacob raised both his hands up. The next thing he knows a hard bat hit him on the head.

"You're early," Jacob said.

"Drag him in. I don't want to leave him out here in the open," Rebecca ordered.

Once she was sure that James was safe to be left behind, Rebecca tied his horse inside the library so that he could go back if he wanted to. Jacob on the other hand mounted Rebecca's horse.

"Miss, I'll be your guide back home," he said.


	2. I can go anywhere I want, anywhere I want, just not home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Later that day, after Joel's patrol, the news about Rebecca's disappearance has spread like a wildfire. A wildfire that was afraid of reaching him, everybody was afraid of breaking it to him. Tommy advised them to stay out of his way and let him break it to his brother. Joel was whistling while tying his horse at the stables and as he walked back home, the uneasy eyes of everybody were on him. He brushed it off, tired of the day, and used to it ever since the 'rumor' has started.

Later that day, after Joel's patrol, the news about Rebecca's disappearance has spread like a wildfire. A wildfire that was afraid of reaching him, everybody was afraid of breaking it to him. Tommy advised them to stay out of his way and let him break it to his brother. Joel was whistling while tying his horse at the stables and as he walked back home, the uneasy eyes of everybody were on him. He brushed it off, tired of the day, and used to it ever since the 'rumor' has started. 

Ellie was waiting for him on his door, anxious on his return. From afar Joel saw Ellie, he lit up a little seeing her but worry washed over him as he saw that she was restless. Once she had a sighting of him she ran to tell him the news. 

"Easy there, kiddo," he said as Ellie nearly bumped into him.

"Joel! Have you heard?" She asked in a panic, she didn't wait for his reply and just assumed he didn't and went for, "Rebecca didn't make it back," which was a mistake. The statement 'didn't make it back' hit Joel a little different than what Ellie was intending to.

Joel's mind races to all possible scenarios, but fails to have one where Rebecca had a high chance of survival. After all, even if she had just a thin thread of chance, Joel was sure Rebecca would successfully grab it. Joel clenched his fists. He remembered his last time with her, that awful dinner, those eyes of hers full of pain, her lavender perfume vanishing in the air as she left. He tried imagining it, her lifeless body on the stone-cold floor. The image hurt him more than he cares to admit. Then he remembered James. He turned around and started walking away, leaving Ellie baffled in front of his house.

Joel went to the hospital. He barged in James' room and shut the door. In a normal situation, Joel was already intimidating without him trying, but now inside James' room, he's just plain terrifying. James could swear he felt a chill run down his spine. 

"What happened?" Joel asked, his voice so intimidating that James whimpers a little. 

"I don't know!" James shouted in defense. "I swear! All I know is that we saw a man outside the library, then I blackout!" 

Joe only stared at him, urging him to talk more. 

"When I woke up, I was inside and the library was closed," James was shaking, whether in fear of Joel or fear of what happened to him he didn't know.

"What else?" Joel asked. 

"There was a photo slipped in the logbook," James muttered. He reached and searched in his bag. Once his hand felt it he grabbed it and handed it to Joel.

Joel flips the photo and saw Rebecca. Well, an older Rebecca. Smiling in her white coat, standing in front of a hospital. Joel can hardly see the name of the hospital but was able to make it out. 

_ OHSU _ .

Joel took the photo with him when he left.

He went directly to the gate. Dragging his horse and he ordered them to open the gate. Maria, who was at the site when that happened, rushed to the gate and stopped him. 

"We don't even know if they really got her," she said.

Joel glowered at her. Tommy intervened as fast as he could. Separating his wife to his brother. "I got this, babe." Maria backed away. 

"Joel, for all we knew Rebecca could have gone with them  _ on her own _ . You don't need to do this," he coaxed.

"Tommy.." Joel gave Tommy a knowing look. He will go, no matter what her circumstances may be. He will look for her, and drag her back to Jackson.

Tommy sighed. He never succeeded in stopping his brother before, and he knows he will never be successful in the future. This argument has already sided to Joel the moment he decided to follow her. Tommy gave in, he whistled, signing to somebody to bring his horse out. 

"Then if you'll go, I'll go," he said to his brother.

Joel was taken aback but did not complain. And they rode out. Joel's mind stayed on two things, Rebecca's photo and the hospital behind her. That's where he'll find her. 

After a few weeks of traveling, Rebecca and Jacob have successfully reached the outskirts of Portland. From where she is standing, a camp is visible outside the gate of the abandoned QZ, they barricade the whole camp, and men in pairs have been rounding the place and will probably shoot the first thing that moves in front of them. They won't deny it, the state of things outside that gate is bad, infected was still swarming the area, even they encountered some themselves.

"What are they doing out there?" Rebecca asked.

"Cleaning the borders," Jacob answered, "let's go. I'll introduce you"

They made their way to the camp. Both have their hands on their guns, eyes alert of the simplest movement. And when they entered the border of the camp two men aimed their guns at them. Jacob raised his hands and told them he brought a guest home, Rebecca, hands still on her gun, aiming it back and clutching it hard, sighed. She lowered the gun and raised her hands like Jacob. The two men tied their hands on their back and brought them inside a large tent.

Rebecca remembered the uniforms, the protocols, she even knew some of the faces. When she and Jacob were brought to the tent, she nearly sneered at the person who greeted them. 

"Well, I'd be damned," the man said. He stood from where he was sitting and approached Rebecca. 

Rebecca remembered him as bright as she remembered yesterday. Those brown eyes, his scars that run from his neck down to his chest, those big callused hands. Nigel, Bobby's firstborn. 

"I brought her back. Just as you wanted," Jacob said. 

Nigel chuckled, he released Jacob's hand from the ropes, "you really have proven yourself worthy of praise!" 

Jacob looked at Rebecca and an understanding passed between them. And then Nigel pushed him out of the tent and ordered him to go and make himself useful at the lookout tower. Jacob obliges, leaving Rebecca alone with Nigel. Nigel motioned for Rebecca to sit while he himself sat back at his chair, grinning back at her.

"Glad to see you alive," he said, "my father will be happy."

"I bet," was the only response Rebecca can come up to. 

Nigel picked his radio up and delivered a message of Rebecca's return. The other person on the radio did not reply, but Rebecca was sure that line was direct to Bobby itself. She looked around, her survival instinct kicking in. She noted a lot of ammo lying around, cabinets full of medical supplies, some wine rack, and over the end of the tent a picture in the frame standing on a shelf. Rebecca looked at the photo, its Bobby and his sons. She remembers only three of them, the youngest, probably eight or nine is a stranger to her. 

Nigel saw what she was looking at and asked, "Lucas, if you are wondering. He's nine. Energetic boy." Nigel chuckled again.

Rebecca smiled, not at Nigel but at the thought of Lucas, remembering her own. "A lot has changed here. Why Portland?" She asked. When the infection was new, Portland was one of the first cities that was hit by it. The military tried to salvage it by building a small QZ but it failed when people who were bitten tried to get in under the radar of the army. It was mayhem, trapped inside a wall with infected running around. Rebecca and her family got out in time, unfortunately, her father, who was in the army, chose to stay behind and to help as many as he can escape. That was the last time she saw him. From then on, it was Bobby who took them in. Bobby was a friend of her father, they are both from the same group in the army. They survived for a long time because of him.

"It's home," Nigel answered. Rebecca looked back at Nigel. She remembered him as a boy, one who would cry because he was scared. Now he leads his own group, probably Bobby's second in command too. "How's your brother?" Nigel asked.

Rebecca's heart felt a pain it hasn't felt in a long time. She did not answer him, she didn't even look at him. She kept staring at the photo. Her hands draw blood in her palms. 

A man burst into the tent and told Nigel about the clickers they saw near the border of the camp, Nigel stood, and before he left he loosed Rebecca's hand and left her alone. Rebecca paced the tent, she let her eyes roam, never missing anything. She checked every drawer, cabinet, and even those two toolboxes on the side. It's full of supplies, she scoffed, well, what else did she expect? 

A static noise came from behind Nigel's table. Rebecca rushed and searched the table until she found what's making the noise.

"Nigel. Nigel. Come in." The other man on the other end of the radio spoked. Rebecca was sure she could make out whose voice this is. And when it clicked into her brain, a strong feeling of hatred and disgust filled her. 

_ Mark. _

_ Bobby's third son. _

Rebecca placed the radio near her lips and radioed, "don't come, everything is under control."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Im so sorry it took so long. I was planning on maybe realeasing a chapter per week. How does wednesday sounds?


	3. No one likes a mad woman, you made her like that

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As the night deepens, Rebecca makes sure that the border of the camp was cleared. She volunteered to help earlier as she saw them struggling on keeping some of the infected at bay. Now she finds herself patrolling the western side of the camp while Jacob was still at the watchtower.

As the night deepens, Rebecca makes sure that the border of the camp was cleared. She volunteered to help earlier as she saw them struggling on keeping some of the infected at bay. Now she finds herself patrolling the western side of the camp while Jacob was still at the watchtower. She could see him and his partner from where she stands. But she highly doubts he could see her from where he is.

Rebecca and his patrol buddy stopped on their track when they heard clicking from a distance. She cocked her gun and aimed it at the darkness. 

One protocol of the militia is to light a fire as a signal that danger was near or coming. So Rebecca's partner lit his torch, he lowered his gun and turned his back on her to search his bag for matches. Which was a bad move, because as soon as he was distracted, Rebecca drew her shiv out and buried it to his neck. She killed him swiftly and efficiently. She lay his body on the ground as his blood pool around him. She watched him as he died. Time to start her plan. She opened the barricade for easy access and aimed at the sky. Then she shot three times, letting the gunshot resonate throughout the rest of the forest. 

She waited. And when she could hear the clicking and the grunting getting louder she ran.

Both runners and clickers flooded the camp. Rebecca could see them toppling down men bigger than their size. Gunshots could be heard everywhere, as well as shouts and screams of help. Molotov could be seen raining down on one part, spreading flames through all their tents and supplies. Nail bomb and smoke screen scatter as most of the militia struggle to survive. And amidst the chaos, the rain started to fall from the sky. Making everybody's survival a little harder to achieve than before.

Rebecca made her way back to Nigel's tent. She saw him arming himself, wearing his vest, refilling the content of his backpack. 

"Damn Mark! Where is he when needed! Damn Peter for not doing his job!" He muttered as he slams the drawers shut. He had his back on Rebecca so he wasn't aware when she aimed her gun at him. Rebecca was going to kill him. One bullet to the back of his head. 

Rebecca was to pull the trigger when a clicker came bursting through into the tent, she immediately shifted her aim from Nigel to the clicker and shot it three times until it fell to the ground. All that Nigel saw was Rebecca saving his life. 

Rebecca looked at Nigel, "run." 

They both ran out of the tent and saw the mayhem that Rebecca made. The dead kept piling up, more clickers and runners coming from the forest. Rebecca kinda hated her impulses now, she should have thought this through. Of course, Nigel didn't know any of that, all he knew was Rebecca saved her life. So in return, he gave her some gun. 

A whistle came from the watchtower up above the gate of the QZ. Jacob motioned for them to run and climbed up to safety. They run, in the middle of the fray, they run with Jacob assisting them from above. Rebecca mostly dodged whatever came her way, focusing on just running forward and up through the tower. Nigel would hit anything that would come his way, whether it was infected or his own men, for him this isn't the time for helping others.

Before they reached the gate one of the runners grabbed Rebecca by the arm and they both rolled down the ground. Jacob couldn't take his shot, fearing he might shoot Rebecca too, he watched through the scope waiting for a window of opportunity. Rebecca pushed the infected as hard as she could, avoiding its mouth. She reached for her gun but it rolled far away from her. 

A shot came from above her and she pushed the corpse aside. Nigel reached for her and pulled her up. “Let’s go”

They both reached the gate, it was shut tight from the inside, and the only way in was the makeshift ladder on both sides which was broken when the infected came. Jacob kept on shooting from above, giving them time to come up with a way to climb. Nigel tried jumping to reach the other half of the broken ladder but fell short. There is no time, the noise from Jacob’s gun draws more infected towards Rebecca and Nigel, and they are all closing in. 

Rebecca tapped Nigel in the shoulder and said, “boost me up, I’ll pull you.”

Nigel hesitated, at times like this normally a person will think of themselves first before anyone else, betrayals are also common. But desperate times call for drastic measures and right now Rebecca’s plan might be the only thing that could save them. Nigel crouched a little bit and nodded to Rebecca. Rebecca ran and stepped on Nigel’s hand reaching up the ladder. The rain had made the ladder a little slippery on hand and it took Rebecca her whole strength, and maybe a little luck, to not slip and fall. She pulled herself up and climbed it.

“Rebecca!” Nigel shouted from below. 

Rebecca made it up to the platform that connects to the upper watchtower. She peeked below at Nigel, who now drew his gun and is shooting the horde of infected coming his way. Jacob, from above had also stopped shooting. She pitied him, she couldn’t look at him. Nigel does everything to keep his life, how could she just stand there. 

“Rebecca!” Nigel shouted again, “hurry!” 

Rebecca turned, not wanting to see. Torn between whether to do what she came here for or to give in to that little voice inside her head. That was the son of the man that had hurt her. The reason she was alone. He took her purpose in this world, the sole reason for her life. She endured living aimlessly. Wandering around, hoping she’ll get lucky and get shot. But she was never that lucky. All the luck that has come to her has brought her a new day. The only thing she’s glad she had right now is what little she had back in Jackson, and all of that she threw away just for this moment. 

“Rebecca please! Help me!” Nigel shouted again, he was reloading his gun when he looked up to her and saw her conflicting emotions. “Rebecca!” he shouted again.

She was about to leave him, climb up to Jacob and be on their merry way, but that annoying little voice inside her kept on begging her to go back, it begs her to look at Nigel once more. And to look means to help him. She was about to leave when Nigel shouted again.

“Don’t leave me, please!”

Those four words. It was all it took to bring her back to the last moment she was with  _ him _ . It was his last wish to her. 

Rebecca turns and grabs the pole on the side, she lowers it. “Nigel! Grab on!” She shouted.

The rain was still pouring down on them hard. Jacob climbed down to where Rebecca. He was baffled at first, but went with it and helped Rebecca. Nigel clung to the pole and started to climb it. Infected rushed to Nigel.

“It’s not gonna work,” Jacob said, he let go of the pole and drew his gun out. A wrong move, because as soon as he let go, Nigel’s whole weight was left to Rebecca to carry. The pole started slipping out of her grasp as Nigel continued to climb upward. She gripped on it as her life depends on it. “Hold on, Nigel,” she whispered to herself, “hold on.”

Jacob shoots, while Nigel struggles to climb. The rain continued to pour down on them, while the fire made from the earlier chaos still raged in the background. And when Nigel was near enough to Rebecca’s reach, she extended her hand and he accepted it. Pole forgotten and thrown down on the ground below. Rebecca struggled on Nigel’s weight but she pulled him up until he could reach the platform. And when he did she supported him, until Nigel made one mistake. It happened so fast. Only in a blink of an eye. Rebecca couldn’t even react on time. He was just there, in front of her, then he was gone. Nigel slipped and Rebecca couldn’t even catch him. She saw him reach out to her, she saw him as he hit the ground and the sound his body made was comparable to a heavy package being thrown from the third floor to the ground. Rebecca stared at him, her eyes full of horror. Even though Jacob was shocked, he stopped shooting and rushed to Rebecca’s side. They both watched as a swarm of infected rushed to his body and lapped at it. 

Jacob nudged Rebecca and pulled her up, “there’s nothing we can do anymore, let’s go”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaannnds here it isss. It took me so long to finish this chapter but hey I stil made it on time right?


	4. My winless fight, this has frozen my ground

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jacob helped Rebecca up the watchtower, they sheltered under the roof. Vehicles came from the other side of the border and men with guns climbed out from it.

Jacob helped Rebecca up the watchtower, they sheltered under the roof. Vehicles came from the other side of the border and men with guns climbed out from it. They lined, forming a barricade, and signaled to open the gates. They swept all the infected and cleaned the insides of the camp. They collected all the bodies and piled them on one side, burning them later. The rain immediately let up and the sky cleared. 

“Boss!” a man from below shouted. More of them gathered at the lifeless body of Nigel and murmurs of gossip can be heard below the watchtower. 

“Is it? It can’t be”

“Is that really Nigel? Impossible!”

Another man came down from one of the vehicles, immediately the others steered away opening up a path for him. He walked closer to Nigel’s corpse and he stopped. Rebecca can’t hear what he said but based on the shocked expression from everyone beside him, it’s probably something they didn’t expect. 

“Who did this?!” He shouted. 

Rebecca climbed down from the watchtower, Jacob following her. And when she reached the ground she walked towards him and faced him. The shock was evident on the man’s face, he looked at her like he saw a ghost. 

“It’s been a while, Mark,” Rebecca greeted.

“You!” Mark gasped.

"He slipped," Rebecca informed. She walked towards Nigel and assessed his damage. His skin torn from bites, his blood pooling around him, a limb missing. She could have saved him. No. she should have saved him, she should have done everything in her power to save him. 

"He what?!" Mark shouted at her. Connecting what he knows to what was revealed to him is still impossible.

"I had him. H-he slip..." Rebecca muttered, shocked. She closed her eyes, wishing that the next time she opened it she would be back at Jackson, sipping coffee in front of her house watching Joel playing his guitar on his front porch. 

Mark slapped her suddenly, the impact was enough to send her down to the ground. Rebecca tasted blood from her lips. Nobody dared to help. Mark grabbed her by the collar, "you bitch! Why did you even come back?!" Mark pulled his gun out aiming for her head.

"Whoa, buddy!" Jacob jumped in, hiding Rebecca behind him.

"Move," Mark threatens. Cocking his gun.

"She tried to save your brother. We all saw it," Jacob defended, "besides, your father was already expecting her. Don’t want to explain to him how both his son and his guest are dead given that you should have been here"

Mark stopped, clicked his tongue, and put his gun down. But in his irritation, he grabbed the nearest object and threw it at Rebecca. "Who the fuck told me not to come?!" 

"Nobody," Rebecca said. 

After the argument and after the camp was cleared with infected, they set the site back up. Bodies of fallen comrades were piled and loaded at the back of each vehicle. Nigel’s body was wrapped in a cloth and was placed on Mark’s car. While Rebecca and Jacob were escorted to the nearest medical tent to tend to their wounds.

They were asked to wait for their physician and were quietly nibbling the food that was offered to them. Some hard rock bread and lukewarm water, but who are they to decline. The travel from Jackson to Portland took weeks and the food that Rebecca packed for their trip didn’t even manage to reach their destination, they were wandering around, for a day and a half, without food or water. 

“Want more?” Jacob asked, handing Rebecca a cup of water.

“No thank you,” Rebecca took the cup and sip. Both of them are damped from the rain, a change of clothes was offered to them but Rebecca stuck to her chair and refused to move a muscle. What was she thinking? She came here to do one job. One job! And if she pities everyone of them, then losing everything she had back in Jackson was for nothing. Everything will be meaningless. 

“We’ll get it done,” Jacob said as he sat down beside her. She looked up at him, wondering how- “It’s written all over your face”

“All that I left behind, all the things that I threw away and sacrificed, it just can’t be for nothing,” Rebecca said.

“It won’t be,” Jacob said, “Mark’s eyes will be on you. He will not make it easy for us.” Jacob nodded towards the window, “those guys will be on you for the rest of your trip here.”

“Good, then. At least this way, I can destroy them as hard as I could”

After an hour of waiting, after Rebecca, finally, changed into dry clothes, and as she was tying the lace of her boots the curtains to their waiting room flipped open violently and a woman walked in. her military suit has a red patch on its right shoulder, indicating she belongs to the medicine department, her crow rows hair bundled up, her lips pierced, her chocolate skin still looks as smooth as ever. Rebecca smiled at her physician.

“Lon-” Rebecca couldn’t even finish her greetings when the doctor punched her in the face causing her to fall on her back.

The doctor grabbed her by the collar, “you shouldn’t have come back!” She shouted.

“Jaqueline!” Jacob stepped in between them pulling Jacqueline away from Rebecca when she punched him too.

“You! You stupid stupid man!” Jaques shouted. The other two can feel her anger slipping out of her skin. “You had a good life out there! Why did you come back?”

“Good life? My life was shit!” Rebecca stated, “by the way, hello to you too.”

Jaques sighed. She paced the room thinking how stupid her friend, or well her old friend, is. Rebecca and Jacs were one of the children Bobby took in when the infection started. They both trained under Bobby, spend time in patrols together, and they even bathed together. Jacqueline was Rebecca’s only confidant, she’s the only person who knew how grave Rebecca’s situation is with Bobby. 

“What is your plan?” Jaques muttered.

“Pardon me?” Jacob asked. He looked at Rebecca who looked as confused as he was.

“You won’t come back if you don’t have one, don’t you? What is it? I want in” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So many chapters without Joel I miss him already. But don't worry he'll make his much-awaited appearance on the next one. Thanks for reading.


	5. Who knows, if she never showed up, what could've been

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes Jacob wonders how nobody, probably beside Mark, was being suspicious of them and how come Bobby hasn’t made his move yet.

Jaqueline told both of them to stay at the tent while she tended to the other men, Rebecca decided to help her out while she had nothing to do, and Jacob was called by Mark and was ordered to scout the area around the camp. The three of them move casually as if nothing was to happen. Sometimes Jacob wonders how nobody, probably beside Mark, was being suspicious of them and how come Bobby hasn’t made his move yet. Jacob didn’t know what happened between them firsthand, but he knows enough from stories Rebecca used to tell him to say that Rebecca was Bobby’s favorite girl, so how come he didn’t even make his way to where she was yet. Or maybe Bobby was planning something else.

Jacob was in deep thoughts and was preoccupied when two shadows brushed behind him. One of them, the older Miller, snaked his arm around his neck to choke him. Jacob struggled in his arms while the other, the younger Miller, faced him. Tommy reached for his pockets and showed him a picture. 

“We’re in no business of killing ya,” Tommy carefully said, as if calming a child, “all we need to know is if you've ever seen this woman?”

Jacob could have laughed, if he wasn't only being strangled to death by the other man’s beefy arm, instead he stuttered his response. Tommy immediately tapped his brother. Joel released Jacob but automatically pointed his shotgun at the back of Jacob’s head. “On your knees.” Jacob complied. “Arms behind your head kid.” And Jacob, again, complied. “Now the only words to come out of your mouth are ‘yes’ and ‘no’.”

Jacob nodded. The other man, the one behind him, sends shivers down his spine. Jacob was a freelancer, taking odd jobs for people whom he knows he can handle. Meeting a group of people he knew damn well could flip out on him any minute, so he made sure to outsmart them all, after all, his brain is all he has. And the moment he knows he couldn't handle the situation, or well, the people in the group, he bails and leaves without a trace. Jacob avoids people he can't handle, a.k.a. people that scare him. And out of all the scary men he has met, this one scares him the most.

“Answer him,” Joel said, sternly behind him.

Jacob gulped, he is in so much damn trouble. “Yes,” he whispered.  _ Yes and no, actually.  _ Since the person in the picture was long dead, but he gets their point. After all, Rebecca did look so much like her mother.

“Do you know where she is?” Tommy asked.

“Yes,” Jacob answered.

“Can you bring us to her?” Tommy asked.

“No,” Jacob said, “well, yes”

Then the shotgun cocked behind him. Jacob stiffened. ‘ _ Well’ _ wasn't in the option of words. Fuck. Jacob can feel his mouth drying fast.

Tommy looked at his brother. They traveled weeks for this and having good results on the first try are both a blessing and a curse. A blessing since they’ll reach their target fast and curse since, well, since the first guy knows where Rebecca is, it could only mean that she had been captured and hidden somewhere. Or worst dead. 

Joel pushed the end of the barrel to Jacob’s head, “Is she alive?”

Joel swears he could hear his own heartbeats, he was going to bring her back dead or alive. Then Jacob nodded his head, and Joel released all the air in his lungs that he didn't know he was holding in. The news relaxed him a little bit and he lowered his gun to ponder about this new piece of information. He sighed, relieved. 

Tommy knelt in front of Jacob, “where is she?” 

Jacob was about to answer when dogs can be heard barking in the distance. “Shit!” Jacob muttered, “run.”

The three of them ran but in every turn, the dogs seemed to have followed their scents and eventually cornered them. Tommy grabbed Jacob by the neck and pointed his gun at his head, but before he could even spat his threat, he felt a blow behind the back of his head and he blackout. 

Tommy woke up a few hours later, his hands were tied to a pole while his feet were tied together. He looked around, searching for Joel. They were in some moldy warehouse, Tommy could see containers stacked above each other, the gates were closed but he could still see sunlight outside, then he looked around for guards. No one.  _ Huh? _ They are lousy at guarding their place, if Maria was here she would have nag everyone by now. He shifts from where he was tied until something behind him stirred. “Joel?” He asked. He heard grunting and more shifting behind him.

“Tommy?” Joel asked for him.

“Yeah, I'm here.” Tommy tried to tug on the rope, checking if he could set it loose. And when he realized he couldn't, he tried the one on his feet. “Won't budge.”

“Hold on,” Joel shifted more behind him. 

Three men can in the warehouse, Tommy immediately nudges his brother to alert him. All three of them sported hunting rifles and the one in the middle, the big bald brute, was barking orders on the other two. “Go tell Mark we had intruders,” he said as one of them left in a hurry. “Where’s Jacob? Bring him here,” he ordered the other.

Jacob brought himself to the medical tent, he acquired a cut on his forehead which was bleeding non-stop, a few bruises, and definitely a broken rib or two. Rebecca passed by him while he was trying to treat himself with some alcohol, tissue, and bandage. 

“Is it deep?” Rebecca asked.

“Nah, it just won’t stop,” Jacob said. 

Rebecca approached him, “give me,” as she put pressure on the wound and rummaged on the medical box nearby for some ointment and fixed Jacob with gauze. “Pass me the bandage.” Rebecca assessed his bruises and poked on his chest, she then nodded and wrapped the bandage around him, securely tying it with a knot.

“Rebec-” Jacob was interrupted when someone barged on them saying “you are needed at the warehouse, those cowboys are awake.” 

“Cowboys?” Rebecca asked.

The worry was written all over Rebecca's face. Jacob contemplated whether to tell the information to her or just dismissed it. He worries about how she will react that her friends from Jackson have followed her. 

“They were intruders, took him as a hostage then sliced him in the head,” the man answered.

That was far from the truth, yeah those two did hostage him. But he was about to help them! And if they didn't do it, he would probably be tied up with them right now in the warehouse too. After those two were knocked out, patrollers who found them beat him up.

“Hurry now, Jacob!” The man ordered. Which irked Rebecca.

She slipped behind him and snapped his neck, “let’s hide him.” They opened a closet and put the man in there like a puzzle. Rebecca secured the doors of the closet with a zip tie and looked at Jacob, “Help me,” she pleaded.

Jacob and Rebecca walked through the warehouse and found the ‘cowboys’ tied up. Rebecca’s gaze fell on both of them, but she didn't make a move to associate them with her. Tommy looked at her, relief washing over him. And glad that he was the one tied in front, God knows what Joel will do if he saw her right now. 

“You alone?” Jacob asked the bald brute.

“Ye, Brunnie with you?” He asked.

Brunnie was stuffed in the now shut closed closet. “No, he, um, stuck somewhere,” Jacob answered.

Rebecca remained silent, just eyeing Tommy. She wanted to help them, but she couldn't, not until she could eliminate this guard. Her gaze shifted from Tommy to Jacob, urging him to ask if the guy was alone again.

“Who’s with you?” Jacob asked again.

“Brunnie was, and Mikey, asked him to call for Mark,” he answered.

Rebecca walked past the guard and pretended to look for something behind him, and when she found what she wanted, she grabbed it and slipped the cord in the neck of the guard, choking him. “Go!” She ordered. Jacob rushed outside, he couldn't let the other guy reach Mark. while Rebecca was left behind, still choking the big guy. 

Joel shifted behind Tommy again after he heard Rebecca’s voice. “Becca?” He asked. 

“Just a minute,” Rebecca said as she struggled to strangle the guy. The guy was grunting and was trying to escape which gave her a hard time, she was dragging him backward, not letting him get any footing on the ground.

“Tommy, give me a hand,” Joel said. He pulls on the rope while Tommy tries to untangle them, and when it was proven ineffective, Joel used brute force to free his hands from it. After he broke from it he freed his legs and tackled the guard down, giving him the finishing blow. 

Rebecca crawled to Tommy and set him free. “What are you doing here?” 

“Rebecca,” Tommy said as he pulled her for a hug. Rebecca reluctantly hugged him back, but once she did, she pulled him for a tight one and nearly cried. She was supposed to be mad at them for following her, but she couldn't help the relief that washed over her knowing that they’re here. 

When she broke from the hug, her gaze fell to Joel. Tears built in her eyes, she desperately wanted to run to him so that he could comfort her. But she couldn't. Not when images from their last dinner keep popping on her mind. She stood, planted in her spot. 

It was Joel who broke the distance between them.

“Come back with me”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ang here he is! Yay! Thanks for reading <3 The kudos are highly appreciated! I'll do my best!


	6. I'm not your problem anymore, so who am I offending now?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joel won’t leave this damn place without her, but Rebecca sure as hell won't leave as long as she’s done with what she came here to do.

Jacob reached Mark’s tent. He burst inside only to find that the place was empty. He went outside and searched for him. He was so focused on looking for Mark that when Jaques appeared in front of him he ran straight to her colliding with her. 

“Ah. Shit!” Jaques exclaimed. Jacob apologized and lent her a hand. “Why are you in such a rush?”

“I need to find Mark,” he said, leaving Jaqs behind.

“Well, you won't find him here. He left moments ago,” Jaques said.

Back at the warehouse, Rebecca and Joel ended up bickering at each other. Joel won’t leave this damn place without her but Rebecca sure as hell won't leave as long as she’s done with what she came here to do, and honestly, Tommy already expected this. He is so done with their shit. 

"Come back," Joel said again. But he is so done asking her, "let’s go. We're going home." He grabbed her by the arm and pulled her.

"I can't," Rebecca snapped. 

"Rebecca, we're going home. Now!" Joel said as if he was ordering a child. Rebecca hated that, she hated Joel treating her like a child. She pulled her arm back, which surprised both of them.

"Joel, I can't.. not until I'm done," she muttered.

"Done? Done with what?!" He could feel his vein throbbing on his forehead. He will bring her back whether she liked it or not, even if he has to tie her to him, dragging her.

"This.." she pointed around at the dead body and the pool of blood, "I have to finish this," Rebecca said. 

"What are you trying to achieve, huh? This... this is a suicide," Joel’s voice was dangerously low that Rebecca nearly whimpered in front of him.

"You don't understand!" Rebecca shouted. She was suppressing all her fears now just to fight him.

"Then make me understand!" Joel growled. Rebecca flinched at how dominating Joel was.

"W- when I was.." Rebecca hesitated, then begrudgingly decided against it. "You know what, just go home," she whispered.

"I'm not going anywhere, not without you!" Joel pulled Rebecca to him. He wanted to know her pain and if she’s not ready to share it then he’ll let it be. But he won’t just stand around knowing Rebecca might die because of this, so he will take her back, back to where he knows he can surely protect her. 

Rebecca let Joel hug her. For a few weeks now, this was the only time she felt safe. She basked on Joel’s warmth, inhaled his faint coffee smell, and she let herself melt on his arms. She really wanted to leave with him, but didn’t she come so far just so she could give up in the middle. And not just that, who knows what Bobby will do to them. If Jacob was able to trace her down, then Bobby could too. And the last thing she wanted was to bring harm to Jackson.

She pushed Joel away, breaking their contact. “We’re done, Joel. You don’t need to worry about me anymore.” She turned her back on him, while her tears rolled down her cheeks.

Joel’s resolve was crushed by her words. He stood there unable to move, to catch up to her. She walked away from him, increasing the distance between them. 

Tommy looked back and forth the two of them. He didn’t know whether to console his brother or run after Rebecca. He decided on the latter. He rushed to Rebecca, pulling gently on her arm. “Rebecca, you can't jus-”

The gate rolled open in front of them and before Tommy knew it he was pushed down by Rebecca. Shots were fired as Mark waltz in on the three of them. Tommy was able to hide behind a big crate while Joel hid behind a container. Joel looked for Rebecca and saw her lying on the ground.

“Rebecca!” He shouted. He couldn’t retaliate. His guns were confiscated earlier. He looked around for something and saw the dead guard, up in his holster a revolver was there.

Mark and his men walked in, he picked Rebecca up by her arm and saw blood. He threw her unto one of his men and ordered, “bring him back to the hospital.”

Rebecca was brought outside, far from Joel’s reach. Joel crouched and navigated his way to the dead body, and when he reached it, he grabbed the revolver and checked for bullets. Six of them, he’ll need to make them last. 

Jacob and Jaqs heard the gunshots, they hurried back to the warehouse and saw Rebecca being driven away. Jaques turned to Jacob, “follow her, I’ll deal with Mark.”

Jacob did. Jaques entered the warehouse. It was surprisingly quiet inside. She immediately hid behind a crate and crouched low. She saw Mark emerging behind the container, “come out cowboy,” he taunts.

Jaques scoffed, what kind of stupid child will fall for that. She searched the warehouse, avoiding Mark, and saw dead bodies one after another. She followed it, hoping it would lead her to a friend. Jaques was busy following the trail of dead bodies when Mark caught the scent of Tommy. He grabbed him from behind and aimed his gun on his head.

“Maybe now you will come out!” Mark announced.

Joel saw his brother in danger and immediately jumped out, “okay... Okay, let’s talk” He said, his gun pointed at them. Mark gestured for Joel to lower his gun. And he did, dropping it down and raising his own hand. 

Mark laughed. Cocking his gun.

_ Bang _ .

Mark dropped dead in front of the stunned Miller boys, their jaws hanging open. Their eyes locked on the shooter. 

Jaques nodded at them, “Rebecca’s cowboys I presume.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I kinda added another chapter, instead of 14 I made it 15 because my OCD ass kept on insisting that my fic should have an odd number of chapters.


	7. 'Cause I haven’t moved in years

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She didn't know how it had come to this, she wished she just took Joel’s offer earlier and ran away, but she didn't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has some implied rape/non-con on an underaged child. Be warned.

Joel picked his gun up, his eyes never leaving Jaques, too wary of her. Tommy sighed a relief, he nearly died there, he looked at Jaques and thanked her. The three of them searched the dead men for guns and bullets, scavenging for supplies that might save their lives later on. 

“You’re a long way from home,” Jaques started.

“Fetching a friend,” Joel answered. “Where did they take her?” The last time she saw Rebecca she was being dragged out of the warehouse with blood spilling from her.

“Probably back at the hospital, she’ll be tended there don’t worry,” Jaques answered, “after all, her death would be the last thing Bobby wants.”

“Bobby?” Tommy asked his brother. He has no knowledge of Rebecca’s past and given the relationship his brother and Rebecca share, he automatically assumed Joel knew about this, so the confusion on his brother’s face was something he didn’t expect. 

Jaques sighed. She didn’t see who the question Tommy asked was for, so she took it in her to answer, “When Rebecca was young, she and her mother were rescued by bobby. After a few months on the run, Rebecca’s mother died. You see, the militia was not that strong yet back then. We were always on the run. Bobby kept Rebecca and her brother, Christian, safe.” Jaques stopped, she feels like she’s telling them a forbidden story. 

“But in return,” she continued, the two boys listening intently to her story. “Rebecca has to please him every night as payment,” she whispered. Joel clenched his fist, stopping himself from barging out of that warehouse and murdering all of them. 

“Rebecca never showed any sign of resentment towards the treatment. But when Christian found out he urged his sister to just run away with him,” Jaques still remembered everything as if it happened yesterday. “Rebecca didn’t want to, not because she likes the treatment but because she knew they would die out there on their own.”

“I remember her crying every dawn by herself. She hated being with Bobby. But she can’t let Christian die. I think, Christian convinced her somehow because one day we woke up and they’re gone. They run away.”

Joel’s hand felt wet, he clenched it so hard that it started bleeding. “Where is that hospital?” 

On the car ride to the hospital, Rebecca’s slipping in and out of consciousness. The pain was so intense she had to bite on something just so she wouldn't scream. Her face was wet and hot, either because of blood or tears, she didn't know. She applied pressure to her wound to lessen the flow of blood. She didn't know how it had come to this, she wished she just took Joel’s offer earlier and ran away, but she didn't. Now Mark would probably kill them. 

She shut her eyes. Wishing all of her problems would go away when she opened them. But it didn't. Instead, she saw him. Christian. Her Christian. She remembered when they were on the run, not just from the infected but from Bobby's men too. 

She remembered they ran into a building and hid, not knowing that it was full of runners. They stayed on the 5th floor hiding out, when Christian, unintentionally, opened a room full of runners and chased them. They ran up the building and hid in one of the rooms, on the farther end of the hall. Inside the room, there was a broken window near the fire exit, Rebecca assessed the jump and decided that they could probably make it to the other building. That was when Christian started throwing a tantrum and saying he didn't want to go. He insisted Rebecca to leave him behind. But Rebecca couldn’t leave his baby brother behind.

That's when she saw it. Blood running down on his arm, Christian did everything he could to hide it from her. Rebecca was stunned, she stood in front of him like a statue. Christian begged him to leave until he hadn't turned yet. Rebecca cried like a child that day, a thing that she hasn't done for a long time. 

Christian begged and begged Rebecca to leave, saying that it’ll make things easier for him. But when she still didn't move, he asked her if she couldn't leave, then killed him instead. After all, the last thing he wanted was to hurt her. Christian cried at how scared he is of becoming a monster and begged Rebecca to put him out of his misery. Of course, Rebecca couldn't, but at the same time, she could say no to him too.

"Kill me, sister." That was her brother’s last request from her.

Rebecca, bawling her eyes, shot his brother in the head. The noise attracted the runners attention and started banging on the door. Rebecca fled, leaving the dead body of her brother lying on the ground. She couldn't even mourn him. She left him there, alone and cold.

Rebecca thought of how undeserving she is of her life. She wanted to throw it out and be done with all this, but remembering her brother who lost his chance early on didn't really give her the rights to end hers. If only she could give her to him. She would be so happy. He deserves so much better. Rebecca cried as she continued to apply pressure on her wounds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was so heavy writing this chapter. I was in the middle of my exam week and there waa a lot of projects needed to be passed, so Im so sorry if I was a bit late (a few hours lol) on this.


	8. I knew everything when I was young…

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rebecca nodded back, not knowing what to do with that information. Her hand grazed the metal chain on her arm, she’ll be meeting Bobby soon, she’s sure of it, that's why she was being prepared.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has some PTSD and child abuse issue. Be warned.

Rebecca woke up on blinding lights. A silhouette of a man was circling her. She blinked until her vision stopped spinning and cleared a little. The man was not circling her, it stayed by her side, crouching. Her gaze trailed the man’s body, to his arms, and to his hands. He donned surgical gloves and was pulling on stitches. 

He must have noticed her because before he finished he said, “Mark got you badly, huh?”

“Peter?” Rebecca’s voice was hoarse. She passed out while crying and now her throat was dry. The man smiled back at her warmly. 

She reached out for the side table, expecting that there was a side table when her hand fell short. She was tied to her bed. The chain in her arm brought her to her senses. She scanned the room and saw nothing but white. White tiles, white curtains. Nothing much changed from the last time she saw this place. It's still the same even after the infection spread. Nostalgia hits her like a truck. It was  _ her _ hospital. She could still see her mom roaming around, doing her rounds like it was just yesterday. 

The sound of the door opening caught Rebecca’s attention. A very pregnant woman with a boy trailing behind her came in carrying a tray of cotton rolls, gauze, and alcohol. “You wanna rest? I could do that,” She said.

“Ah! Wendy. You’re back,” Peter went and kissed the woman, he leaned down and rubbed her belly, “you should have headed straight back to the room. You need to rest.”

The little boy behind her walked towards Rebecca and held her hand. He looked at her and asked, “does it hurt?”

Rebecca took a minute to respond, she didn't know whether the boy was asking about the pain she was feeling emotionally or physically. But she settled with the latter, her hand traveling up and traced the side of the stitches. “Like a bitch.”

The boy smiled at her, he was so young, maybe around eight or something. Rebecca was glad that somehow she could still the twinkle of childhood in his eyes, like how this world hasn't affected him yet, and it made her smile. The woman then calls for him, “Lucas, let’s go.” And they left, leaving the warmth from his hand on Rebecca's skin. 

“Your wife?” Rebecca asked, then added, “and Lucas?”

Peter nodded, “she’s ‘round her eighth month. A girl!” He shared.

Rebecca nodded back, not knowing what to do with that information. Her hand grazed the metal chain on her arm, she’ll be meeting Bobby soon, she’s sure of it, that's why she was being prepared.

Peter took the other end of the chain and unlocked it, Rebecca looked at him hopefully but he just sighed, “sorry, but he wanted you in chains.” Peter helped Rebecca out of the bed and led her out of the room. They walked out of the hallway and into the reception area and up the stairs. Peter pulls on the chain while Rebecca follows suit. Peter entered what used to be the hospital’s chapel, and when Rebecca entered notes from piano keys filled her ears. Peter dropped the end of the chain to his father’s foot and left, but before he left, he gave Rebecca one last look, apologizing for whatever his father was about to do, and left.

Being alone in the room with him made Rebecca’s chest tightened, her breathing became more labored, her palms sweaty. The pain and fears came rushing back. She stood in the middle of the room, afraid to move and attract his attention. 

"You came back," Bobby said in his heavy tired voice, "but in your return, I have to give up the life of my two sons."

His voice stabbed directly to her heart, a shiver ran down her body and she began trembling in fear. She managed a whisper, "I didn't kill any of them."

"You might not, but their deaths were because of you," he reached for his drink and gulped it down on one go. "All for your return," he stood. 

Rebecca stepped back, the fear she didn't feel for a long time crept up her back. She continued to step back until she reached the wall behind her. She wanted to run, to escape, but her feet were grounded and her chain was on Bobby’s feet.

"All I'm willing to sacrifice just for your return," he breathed as he saw Rebecca.

The whole chapel was dimly lit, the windows were shut. This was probably the only place in the whole hospital that Bobby’s men did not fix. Rebecca's eyes widened as she saw the portrait up behind Bobby, her mother. Bobby turned the whole altar into an altar for her _. _

"You look so much like her, my Angela, my Rebecca," Bobby walked towards her. Each step made Rebecca whine.

Rebecca pressed herself on the wall, wishing it would just swallow her whole, "please don't," she begged.

"Oh, Rebecca. What changed? You used to want this," Bobby said as he stepped forward.

"No. Never," she cried.

Bobby reached for her face, but before he could touch her the door swung open. Lucas came in and said, "don't do it, daddy."

Bobby froze. Rebecca gasped for air she didn't know she withheld and slid down on the floor, too shaken up. Bobby snapped and turned to Lucas, "what are you doing here, brat?!" He rushed to Lucas and smashed his head with the nearest object he got. Lucas cried in pain. 

Rebecca snapped out of her trance and rushed in between them, protecting Lucas, "Bobby stop! Don’t hurt him. He's your son!"

"Do. Not. Tell. Me. How. To. Discipline. My. Son!" Bobby dragged Rebecca by the hair and chained both of her hands to the ceiling, her feet dangling. The lights started to flicker and shut off but Bobby continued his assault. Rebecca cried for Bobby to stop as he threw punch after punch at the little boy. Rebecca watched as Bobby beat his own son.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man, my internet provider sucks.


	9. I can see you staring honey, like he's just your understudy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The three of them ran for it and burst at the door of the chapel. Guns up, aiming everywhere. But the room was empty except for the trail of blood on the floor.

Joel, Tommy, and Jaques reached the hospital and killed their way in. They’ve cleared the whole lobby area and made their way up. Jaques led them up to where she thinks Bobby is. If they find Bobby, they’ll find Rebecca. They rounded up on the second floor and made it to the third. Jaques, cautiously, marched the hallway with Joel and Tommy behind her. 

“Down the hall, to the left. That’s Bobby’s,” she informed them after they killed the guards in the nurse’s area. 

The three of them ran for it and burst at the door of the chapel. Guns up, aiming everywhere. But the room was empty except for the trail of blood on the floor. Joel followed it into the corner and saw a small figure. He immediately kneeled down and cradled the young boy. Jaques rushed to their side and assessed the damage.

“Jesus, who would do that to a kid,” Tommy sighed.

“His father, apparently,” Jaques took Lucas to her arm and started applying first aid. She didn't miss the anger in Joel’s eye, “if they’re not here, probably they’re at her office.” Jaques nodded towards the huge portrait of Angela behind them. She gave them the directions to her office, “go, I’ll take care of him.”

Jacob was able to catch up to Rebecca’s car earlier, he saw her being carried up to the emergency room and saw Peter treating her wounds. Jacob then decided to wreak havoc in the meantime and went to sabotage the hospital’s alarm system and then eventually decided to completely cut off the whole energy supply, shutting all the lights in the hospital. Emergency lights lit to life. He then headed to the basement, where Bobby kept his pets, and marvel at how Bobby has captured three bloaters. He was going to set them loose. He hid inside the control room and was pushing buttons when somebody grabbed him in the neck. Peter, who just dropped Rebecca at Bobby’s, appeared behind him. 

“You shouldn't have done that,” Peter said.

Jacob tapped at Peter’s arm, he tried reaching him but failed. He then decided to kick him in the groin. Peter writhe in agony and dropped Jacob, who was gasping for air. Jacob aimed his gun at Peter who was still holding his precious balls, cradling it for comfort. 

“No, it’s you who shouldn’t have done that,” Jacob said. Then he lowered his gun, “I'm not your enemy, Peter. And you know that.”

Peter looked at him, “I don't know what you are saying.”

“Leave this place. Take your wife with you, and leave,” Jacob said.

“My father-”

“Your father is a shit,” Jacob interrupted, “give your wife and child a life better than this.” Peter contemplated the idea, he hated this company, but this is the life that he was used to. “You didn't need to get involved anymore,” Jacob insisted. With that Peter stood straight up, he searched his pocket and handed a key to Jacob, then he left to fetch his wife.

Jacob tried again with the controls, he realized pushing buttons was useless without the keys. And this time he succeeded in releasing the monsters.

When the other militia heard of the mayhem in the hospital that Joel and the others caused, they rushed to give aid only to face the bloaters in the lobby. The first responders were immediately killed while more men came to help. Jacob slipped past the bloaters when it was preoccupied with killing Bobby’s men and made his way up to the storage room.

Joel and Tommy reached the neurosurgeon’s office and carefully opened the door. Joel saw Rebecca tied to a chair sitting still. He carelessly opened the door and when Rebecca saw him she immediately shook her head. Joel stopped and cautiously surveyed the surrounding. 

_ Click. Click. CLICK. _

Fucking clicker. Rebecca raised three fingers.  _ Three _ fucking clickers.

Joel and Tommy split up to search and kill the clickers, Tommy grabbed the one in the lounge area while Joel found one in the backroom and he stealthily killed it, he also found the other one in the break room and set it on fire. When he went back to the lounge area Tommy had already freed Rebecca. 

The three of them rushed out of the office and were ambushed when they passed the nurse’s area. Shots were fired at them, the three of them hid behind the reception desk. 

“You survived because of me! I taught you everything you know!” Bobby screamed at the far end of the hall. “You’re nothing if it wasn't because of me!” He fired his gun at them.

Joel and Tommy retaliate. Shooting towards bobby. “She’s more than what you’ve made her!” Joel shouted back. “She survived because of herself!”

More shots were fired, Joel crept his way near Bobby while Tommy stayed beside Rebecca. He handed a gun to her and they distracted Bobby covering up for Joel. A molotov was thrown in their place, the two jumped away from it farther to safety. Rebecca has to roll on the side of the desk to evade the fire caused by the molotov and was now out in the open. Bobby now has a clear shot of her. He aimed his gun and cocked it.

_ Bang _

Bobby dropped dead on the tiled floor of the hospital. The bullet left a massive hole in his head. Not long after Rebecca dropped on the floor too. Bobby missed his shot but it still ended up somewhere in her body. Both Joel and Tommy rushed to her. Bobby’s bullet made its way to Rebecca’s stomach.

Joel carried her while Tommy led the way.

At the storage room, Jacob searched for the container of gasoline. The militia practically made this hospital their base, everything was here. And when he found those red containers her made his way to the reception area of the floor and peered down on the lobby. Bloaters were still doing their jobs, killing Bobby’s men. He was in the middle of emptying his third container when Jaques burst in from the fire exit carrying Bobby’s kid.

“Where is Rebecca?” She asked.

“Not down there,” he answered. “Use the back door, it's crazy down in the lobby.”

Jaques nodded and headed out. Jacob started the fire in the lobby while Jaques prepared their getaway car.

Joel and Tommy saw Jacob waiting for them on the second floor, smoking his cigar with flames on his back. He flickered it away and gestured for them, “the car’s over here.” He led them out of the hospital and into the parking where Jaques was waiting. Joel laid Rebecca next to Lucas and Jaques started treating her gunshot wound. Jacob started the car while Tommy sat beside him in the passenger seat.

And they drove away, out of Portland. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, I kinda sucked at doing summaries.


	10. So step right out, there is no amount of crying I can do for you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was peaceful and everything went back to how it was before, except Rebecca and Joel.

A month after the Portland incident, everything has settled down back at Jackson. Jaques started working for their hospital, Jacob joined the patrollers, while Lucas was now going to their local elementary school. Rebecca was slowly gaining her health back while Ellie nursed her. It was peaceful and everything went back to how it was before, except Rebecca and Joel. 

The two still ignored each other. Even when Rebecca was released from the hospital, Joel just watched from the inside of his home through his window as Rebecca finally made it back home. He wanted to approach her and maybe give her some homecoming gift. But he couldn't. 

"Seriously, what's with her that you didn't want?" Ellie asked him while they're on patrol one time.

"Hm," Joel grumbled, "it’s none of your business."

"She's pretty, she's smart, she's pretty badass. What else could you have been looking for, man?" Ellie continued as if Joel didn't just dismiss her. She was walking aimlessly in the field while Joel followed her.

"You wouldn't understand anyway," Joel answered. 

"Is it because she's young? Tommy said it might be, but I think it’s stupid," Ellie pressed on.

Joel sighed, "and why do you think it’s stupid?"

"In this situation would you still be picky? Yeah, I think not," Ellie picked a handful of lavender and placed it on Joel's hand, "She's an adult already. She’s old enough to sneak out and bring a whole militia down, then she’s old enough for you."

"I brought that militia down," Joel reminded her. "Yeah, maybe she is," he muttered.

"Go get your girl before other guys realize she's available," Ellie said, "I heard that James is hitting on her," she teased.

"Shut up," Joel sighed. “Let's go back.”

When they made it back, Joel headed straight to Rebecca’s porch and knocked on her door. It took her a couple of minutes to open it, but when she did he froze. He didn't really think this through. 

“Joel,” the happiness in her voice gave Joel the courage. He handed her the lavender Ellie handpicked for her. She took it and smelled them, “thank you.”

The both of them stood awkwardly for a few moments until Joel spoke, “I’m sorry.”

It caught Rebecca off guard and she immediately asked, “for what?”

Joel sighed, “For whatever we are arguing about. I'm sorry for hurting you and for keeping my pride high.”

“Joel, all is forgotten,” Rebecca said.

And once again they stood awkwardly, both lost in what to say. Joel decided to break the ice between them, “I was planning on brewing some coffee, would you like some?”

Rebecca’s eyes turned sad at the offer. She still loves the man, but after what happened, she just couldn't. She’s afraid she might do something stupid again and this time with Joel ending up getting hurt. She got lucky last time that Joel came out of that place unscathed. 

“I…” Rebecca trailed, she didn't want to do this, “Joel, I can't. I’m sorry.”

“Oh! I see,” Joel said, clearly disappointed. “Next time, maybe?”

“There will be no next time Joel,” Rebecca said, tears heavy in her eyes. “I can't do this anymore. I'm tired of the chase.” She immediately shut the door as tears fell down her cheeks. She didn't want to hurt him, but she won't be able to bear it if she has somehow, unknowingly, put the man she loves in danger again.

Rebecca’s excuse hit Joel hard, he was stunned, stuck in his place. He knew he wasn't physically hurt but somehow he can feel a pain in his chest spreading, creating a huge hollow space in his chest. He wanted to knock on her door and demand an explanation, was it something he did? It probably was. But he loves Rebecca so much that he respected her decision. So he went back to his house and shut himself in, he opened the cabinet where his liquor is stocked and drowns in them.

Ellie woke up the next day with Joel passed out on their kitchen floor. She cleaned the bottles off and went to damp a towel. The situation made its way from bad to worse, she gotta do something about this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A few hours late but here it is!


	11. String that pulled me, out of all that wrong arms and down into that dive bar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And when the event place was set, they now worked on bringing both key characters into the little plan they had.

The first thing Ellie did was to recruit help, she first visited Tommy and told him what she thinks had come down between those two. Then she headed to the hospital to check on the new doctor and talked to her about her plan. Jaques enthusiastically indulged her, she didn't know the whole story behind her friend and that certain cowboy but if he willingly put himself in danger for her then he must be seriously in love with her. The two then headed to the local pub and asked if the owner could hold a mixer night, in which it took them a whole lot of bribery to make it happen. 

And when the event place was set, they now worked on bringing both key characters into the little plan they had.

Joel woke up that afternoon with a pounding headache. The sunlight coming in his living room made his eyes squint so he shut the curtains closed and went to the kitchen, he was sure he passed down there. He fixed some food to eat but before he could take a bite on his ‘hungover’ meal a knock interrupted him. 

“Tommy?” Joel was surprised to see his brother dropping in unannounced, in his mind this would only occur when something unthinkable happened.

Tommy sensed the worry in his brother’s voice, “you didn't, uhm, reported earlier.”

“T’was my day off,” Joel said.

Tommy chuckled nervously, of course, he knew that. He nearly slapped himself at how stupid that was but what he was about to ask his brother makes him nervous. “Ah yes. T’was wasn't it.”

“What happened, Tommy?” Joel asked. Tommy was acting so suspiciously and it only increased his anxiousness.

“Nothing has happened,” Tommy sighed. “I was actually on my way for a drink, do you wanna come?”

“Um,” Joel trailed, “I’m gonna pass on that one,” he pointed on his cabinet, “kinda raided mine last night.”

“Oh! I see,” Tommy was so dead to Ellie, he needed to think of something, fast. “Guess I’ll just have to suffer alone,” he said as he walked away. Tommy was silently praying,  _ please say yes, please say yes _ , then Joel called him back.

“Tommy wait!” 

Tommy spun around as fast as he could when he heard his name, a grin plastered in his face.

Rebecca was back to working in the hospital and she was checking the inventory when Jaques barged on in her with Jacob. The two of them had this undeniable chemistry and Lucas was lucky to be with them. They casually chatted as if they didn't plan this and acted as if they just coincidentally entered the room Rebecca was in.

“Oh! Welcome back,” Jaques greeted. 

“Glad to be back,” Rebecca mused.

“Should you be resting? How’re your stitches?” Jacob asked.

“It's healing fine, besides, being holed up in that house is killing me,” Rebecca was counting the syringe they have and now needed to begin again as she got distracted by the two intruders. She sighed.

“Then you're free tonight right?” Jacob asked.

“What’s with tonight?”

“There’s this mixer thingy in the pub, maybe it's time for you, my dear friend to get laid,” Jaques dropped the bomb innocently.

Rebecca choked, heat spread on her face and she knew she’s as red as a tomato. “I DO NOT-”

Jaques hushed her immediately. “We’ll see you tonight. Wear something nice.” And both of them left. Rebecca didn't know what exactly happened, but apparently, she agreed on something she didn't fully understand.

That night, Rebecca wore her pastel yellow sundress and paired it with her flats. She made her way to the pub a little later than what was promised since she didn't really plan to stick that long. On her way, she wondered if what she was wearing was a little bright for a night out, she remembered her aunt who would always wear something dark and skinny for this kind of occasion. 

From afar the pub looks peaceful for a mixer night, usually, she would already see people swarming the place, with the music blasting from the inside. She continued walking towards the place and peeked before she entered. The place was deserted. The tables were pushed to the sides and chairs were placed on top of them, like how a store was when they were closed. 

Rebecca was so busy connecting the dots in her brain when Joel noticed her. He has been drinking by himself for an hour now waiting for Tommy to arrive, he didn't mind that the pub was deserted, he actually prefers it, this way no one will disturb him. But when Rebecca entered, like a lost child, he immediately wished this place was bustling with people. 

He cleared his throat, “wanna join an old lonely man here?”

Rebecca was surprised to see him here, she took the stool next to him at the counter and asked the bartender for some beer. She tapped on the table and bit her lips, she could feel the awkwardness between them.

“You went back to work?” Joel asked casually.

“Ah, yes. Being stuck at home sucks,” Rebecca chuckled. The bartender came back with her drink and went back inside, leaving them all alone. Rebecca could feel her heart pounding on her chest threatening to break free.

Joel chuckled, “better than being stuck at the hospital.”

“But I worked at the hospital.”

They locked eyes on each other then busts on laughter at the same time. Rebecca wondered how light and easy everything is with Joel, how, even though they just fought, an easy conversation can still flow between them. 

The both of them talked all night, Joel told a giggling Rebecca how his own brother ditched him alone after forcing him to come while Rebecca told him how her friends invited her for a mixer night and didn't even bother showing up. The song changed to a slow one and Joel asked Rebecca for a dance. They sway in the middle of the empty pub, giggling at each other’s joke. They continued dancing until their feet grew tired and the ice on their drinks melted completely. When the night deepens, Joel walked Rebecca home. He bid her farewell from her yard and crossed the street to his. Joel watched Rebecca’s light turn off from his window that night, and he turned his off and drifted to sleep.


	12. With my calamitous love and insurmountable grief

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ellie had been keeping track of Joel’s progress on the side. She would watch them from afar and would silently curse at Joel for not pushing more. Until she, herself, had enough of those two.

Weeks after their blissful night, the two of them could sense the change in their relationship. Whenever they see each other, a warm smile could be seen on their face, and greetings are given. Every night after Joel’s patrol, he and Tommy would hang at the local bar to relieve stress and Tommy could swear that every time, Joel would scan the crowd looking for a certain blonde, disappointment would be evident on his face in her absence but if she came Tommy would instantly be all alone at their table. But that's all there is between them. Joel was still cautious about approaching Rebecca, but he won't give up on her, not now that he was making progress.

Ellie had been keeping track of Joel’s progress on the side. She would watch them from afar and would silently curse at Joel for not pushing more. Until she, herself, had enough of those two. 

One early morning, Jaques asked Becca to accompany her on her patrol, since Jacob ditched her to sleep in. Rebecca agreed since she had nothing better to do. The work at the hospital was light and honestly, she thinks if she goes home right now nothing, nobody will even notice.

“Go ahead on the gates without me, I’ll still need to file these charts,” Jaques said.

Rebecca did as she was told. She headed to the barn and was brushing the mane of her horse when Joel sneaked behind her. 

“Good morning,” he greeted.

“Morning.”

“You don't have patrols today, why are you here?” he asked. 

Rebecca hummed, “to sneak out.”

Joel did a double-take on her, eyeing her. He was worried at first that she was telling the truth but then the grin plastered on her face tells him otherwise. She got her there. Joel chuckled. Then he remembered something, he reached in his pocket and handed it to Rebecca. 

“What is this?” She asked. Her thumbs carefully tracing the edge of the wood coaster, lavenders carved on the sides. 

“You know what it is, genius,” Joel chuckled.

“Okay, smartypants,” Rebecca giggled, “I mean what's the coaster for?”

“It’s something I just made randomly,” _ it was not _ , “last night,” in fact, he’d been making that for a few nights now.

“Randomly, I see.”

Okay, if you don't want it I’ll just take it back,” Joel reached for it but Rebecca instinctively pulled it away.

“No,” she said, “it’s mine. No take-backs.” She giggled.

Both of them were wrestling for the coaster when Tommy came in, he didn't want to disturb them so he carefully turned back, but to his luck, a nearby horse neighed at him. Joel and Rebecca looked at him and immediately fixed themselves, pulling away from each other. 

“Oh no, go on,” Tommy teased.

“Shut up,” Joel said.

“Well, I just came in to tell ya that Maria needs me somewhere else. I was gonna tell ya to look for a partner but it seems like you already found one.”

“Ah no, Jaques asked me to come with her,” Rebecca said.

“That woman you’re talking about was already at Maria’s grasp. I don't think she’ll be able to go with ya,” Tommy said.

“What?!” Rebecca exclaimed in disbelief.

“Enjoy your day!” Tommy shouted as he left.

And there they were. Alone together on patrol, they took the northern path and were riding silently together. Rebecca wondered why she feels nervous right now. It's not like the first time she was alone with Joel, but suddenly she feels this overwhelming feeling just thinking about it. Joel on the other hand kept on glancing at Rebecca. He wanted to talk to her, but he just didn't know what to say.

They reached the end of the hill and trekked down to the dam to log on to the logbook. Joel waited as Rebecca finished the log when the rain poured down on them. He ushered the horses in and decided it's best to wait the rain out. 

Joel sat beside Rebecca on the floor. He looked at her and realized after all he’s been through she was the one he never saw coming into his life and he realized he’ll never be the same.

"What is this?" Rebecca broke the silence. She leaned her head on his shoulder.

"What?" Joel asked.

"This? Didn't I tell you, I'm tired." She said.

"I know. I-” Joel spoke but got cut off, seems like Rebecca wasn’t done talking yet.

“Then why can't I let you go," Rebecca whispered. 

Joel stopped. He looked at Rebecca and tried to see her face but she just kept on looking down. The downpour got worse than before and he was glad the both of them stayed inside. Joel just now wished he started a fire earlier to keep them warm. He removed his jacket and placed it on Rebecca’s, keeping her warm. He put a hand around her and held her close.

“If you can’t, then I’m glad,” he whispered in her ears.

With that Rebecca looked up to him, her eyes filled with tears. He knew he was being unfair. But what he said was true. Joel cupped Rebecca’s face in his hands, rubbing the tears away from her eyes. And he said, “I never deserved you, but you’re all I want. Do you know how hard that was? To want you and think that I’ll never be enough for you. But I guess it didn't matter now. Because I’ll never let you go again.”

Tears fell down from Rebecca’s eyes. She went in and hugged Joel. They stayed cuddling until Rebecca drifted to sleep and when she woke up the rain was long gone. 

“Let’s go back, we’ll worry the others,” Joel said.

“Why didn't you wake me up?” Rebecca asked.

“You looked so peaceful asleep, it’ll be rude to disturb you.”

Rebecca chuckled. They trekked back to Jackson, this time giggling as they went and much closer than when they left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> God! I had this stressful week at uni. The faculty kept on dropping and adding subjects to my schedule. Like they couldn't make their mind on whether I should take that subject or not. Honestly, its been very bad for my anxiety so here I am ranting it out to you.


	13. Your faithless love's the only hoax, I believe in..

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joel was fully aware of how packed his and her schedule for the day, but he still hopes she says yes.

Joel sighed as he knocked at Rebecca’s door. He was planning on asking her out for some dinner later at the local restaurant,  _ totally not Ellie’s plan.  _ He paced the porch and glanced back at his house where Ellie was giving him a thumbs up from the window. That little kid has been forcing her to make the move already, he wanted to, the problem is he just didn’t know how to. And when Ellie had enough, she offered him some suggestions that she picked up from a magazine for teenagers. That’s how the dinner plan came up. 

Joel was fully aware of how packed his and her schedule for the day, but he still hopes she says yes. 

The door swung open revealing Rebecca, still in her nightgown, sleep written all over her face. “Joel?” She said as she rubbed her eyes.

“I… Did I disturbed you?” He asked.

“No no, not at all,” Rebecca smiled. She opened the door and invited him in. 

Joel hasn’t stepped a foot in her house for a long time. Everything is still exactly the same, the smell of lavenders still circulating the air. Her books are still in the same order, he bet everything in the kitchen was still in the same place. He walked into her living room and sat at her couch. He used to be here almost every day before, now he just gazes from the outside inside. 

Rebecca came in with tea in hand. She placed one in front of Joel and one on her coaster, then she brought out some cookies and placed it on the coffee table. 

“So? What made you come by?” She asked as she sipped her tea.

Joel chuckled, there is no way he was drinking that. And he knows that Rebecca knew that but here they are, Rebecca and her herbal tea. “You know I’m not drinking that.”

“Both teas are mine. Thank you.” She giggled.

If Joel’s morning is always like this, he’ll never complain about a thing in his life. Talk about starting your day right. But before he drifted to dreamland and imagined things, he needed to ask her first.

“I was… Uhm,” Joel stumbled on his words, unable to formulate speech.

Rebecca looked at him expectantly, she grabbed a piece of cookie and bit on it. 

“I was planning on asking you out for some dinner later,” Joel rushed on his words, glad that was off of his chest.

“Was? I would have been glad if you still plan on it,” Rebecca teased in which Joel groaned. “What time later?” She asked.

“After work? I could pick you up at the hospital,” Joel said.

Rebecca nodded. “I like your plan. I’m out 7-ish,” she said, “but for now, I better get ready for work.” Joel stood up to leave but Rebecca called him when he reached the door, “hey, don’t forget this,” Rebecca kissed his cheeks on her tiptoes and smiled at him. “Don’t be late,” she whispered as she walked away and up the staircase.

Joel left grinning like an idiot. 

After her long shift, Rebecca finished her last task for the day. She hurried and fixed herself. She wouldn't admit it but she is pretty excited for tonight, she felt that maybe there was still a chance for her and Joel. And maybe this time it’ll work.

“Wow, somebody was prepared,” Jaques stated.

“It’s just dinner,” Rebecca said.

Joel was picking her up, so she tried her best to make herself look busy, as if she wasn't even waiting for him, but anytime somebody would pass her office her head would automatically swing looking at it. Too much for subtle.

Joel on the other hand had just finished his patrol and was on his way to the hospital, he made sure to bring some flowers and to make himself a little bit presentable. He was going to make everything perfect. But before he made his last turn toward the hospital somebody pulled on his arm. 

Esther came clinging on his arm, “Joel!” She greeted him. Esther was one of the clingy types of patrollers, she likes to follow everyone around, she is a nice girl, but Joel couldn't stand her always tailing him whenever she could. And today, she’s been bugging Joel nonstop.

Joel smiled at her, “Esther,” he greeted back.

“I made some pie, would you like some?” She asked.

“Esther, I already had plans for tonight,” Joel said.

The disappointment was evident on her face and it kinda made Joel feel bad. “Oh.” Esther dropped her hands, then she stood up straight. “Then would you like to just come over for a moment. Remember that project I was doing, I would like to know your thoughts about it.”

Joel hesitated, “Esther, I really can't.”

“It’ll just be fast, please,” Esther pleaded while shaking Joel’s arm. Aside from being persistent she has also started to make a scene, a lot of bypasser have been eyeing them already and that was the last thing Joel wanted. 

“Alright!” Annoyance on his voice was very evident, but Esther paid no attention to it. Joel looked at the hospital and told himself that he'll be out and about and walked away with Esther. 

Rebecca waited and waited for Joel until its way past dinner time, she wondered if something terrible had happened to him and then wondered if that was indeed the case then somebody should have rushed him to the hospital. She’s been clicking and clicking her pen and was annoying herself with the noise it's making before she stood up and decided to just pick him up herself.  _ It's alright isn't it, he probably just forgot about it. _

Rebecca left the hospital and made her way to the gates, it has been shut close and beside the few watchmen that were left the place is deserted. Rebecca was to turn back when a loud whistle came from the watchtower. Jacob came running down and greeted her.

“Why are you here? Aren't you supposedly on your ‘dinner date’?” He asked.

“I wondered what I'm doing here too, oh, yeah, that's right, it's because I'm looking for my date,” Rebecca said.

Confusion washed over Jacob’s face. “He already left earlier. Wait? He hasn't met with you yet?”

“I won't be here if I met with him, Jacob,” Rebecca said, “wait how did you know about the dinner?”

“Everybody at patrol knows. Tommy was so happy for the both of you,” Jacob replied.

Rebecca made an ‘ah’ face and bid her goodbye with Jacob. She still needs to look for  _ her  _ man. She wondered if this was a part of some elaborate plan, but given that this is Joel there was probably no plan at all. If someone was plotting this, it’ll probably be Ellie.

Then to Ellie it is.

Rebecca started making her way to Joel’s house, she took the path she always takes on her own way home from work. She would often gaze at the houses she would pass by and silently thank whatever deity out there for this little piece of heaven in this hell of a world. Who would have thought that after everything that has happened, after how the society has collapsed, a life nearly as close as to how they used to live was possible. And that she was allowed to experience this.

On her next turn, between the bakery and the playground she saw Joel standing on someone else’s porch. He was scratching his head and was talking to someone inside the house. Rebecca couldn't possibly see what they’re talking about but she was positive it was Joel. Rebecca was about to walk to him when a woman came out wrapping her arms around him.  _ Was he hugging that woman? _ Rebecca stepped back.  _ Wasn't he supposedly having dinner with her? Why was he hugging another woman on somebody else’s porch? _

_ Isn't he supposedly picking her up? So why? Why? _

Rebecca turned back. That night she took the longer route home, she locked her doors and shut herself in her bedroom, crying her pain away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas everyone! Wherever you are from, may lots of blessing come to your way!! ❤


	14. I gave so many signs, so many times

Joel reached the hospital late that night. Esther kept on making him stay longer than he intended and thus made him late. He cursed on his misfortune when he found out that Rebecca had already left. He went to her house and knocked on her front door waiting for her to open up, but no one answered. He was baffled at how she could just shut her walls that fast when all he did nothing wrong except being late. He resigned for the night, besides, the fatigue he has with the patrol was taxing then Esther came and made things worse.

As soon as his door closed, a pair of feet came rushing down the stairs, Ellie in her pajama bombarded her with questions. “How was it? Did you two have a good night? How was the food? Oh please tell me!”

Joel just sighed. He opened a bottle of whisky and poured himself a drink. He kept ignoring Ellie until he was mentally prepared to answer her.

Ellie waits patiently for Joel, she already knew something was wrong. But she didn't want to push it. It is whether they fought again or Joel did some stupid, again. Ellie sat beside him and curled her legs. Whatever the reason for Joel’s dilemma, Ellie plans on sticking with him, no matter what.

“I told her I’ll pick her up,” Joel stated, “but I was late. And she didn't even wait for me.”

Ellie didn't know how to respond, she stayed quiet beside him and let him drink his emotions. Joel didn't know whether he should be mad at himself, or to Rebecca, or to Esther, or to just be mad in general. But what they both know is that they had a long day and rest is needed. As soon as Ellie yawned beside him, he packed the whisky away and they both went to sleep.

He’ll just talk to Rebecca tomorrow.

But sometimes no matter how we plan things out, it wont play the way we wanted it. Joel went to the hospital early morning only to find out that Rebecca didn't even came in. Jaques told him that she waited for him, then when she got worried she went and looked for him. Joel wondered what made her like this, he wondered if maybe she just was too sick to answer the door last night and to come in today, but if that was the case Joel was sure Jaques would be the first one to know, and she would definitely not not share that information to Joel.

Joel went back to her house to try again. This time with no knocking. He knew where Rebecca kept her spare key and used it to open her front door. He entered her house and checked the kitchen, when he found it empty he went up to her bed room and silently peeked. He saw her lying in bed with her back facing the door, her room was unusually unkept, and she was still in her yesterday's clothes. When Joel entered she didn't even flinch, so deep in her sleep she didn't even notice him. Joel scanned the bottles of wine lying on the floor and made the effort of skipping through all those to avoid making excess noise. When he reached the bed, he sat beside her lying figure and touched her forehead, noting whether it was hotter than normal. When he realized that she didn't have a fever, Joel sighed a relief.  _ So she just drank herself to sleep. _

Joel was fixing her blanket, making sure she was covered up, when he heard a sniffle. Joel slowly turned her, facing him and saw her crying. Her eyes so puffy and red, her face damp with tears. She avoided looking at him.

“Go away,” she muttered.

“Why?” Joel asked.

Rebecca didn't answer, instead she reverted back to her original position and ignored Joel again. Joel stayed beside her. He will not leave until this is resolved.

“What did I do wrong?” He asked again.

Rebecca slightly moved, “I don't know,” she said. Honestly Joel had no answer for that. He scratched his head, confused onto why she was acting like this. “Just go away.”

“Rebecca talked to me,” Joel pleaded.

Rebecca shifted and faced him. The hurt was evident on her face. She was glaring at Joel, “I told you, I didn't want to get hurt any more,” she cried.

Joel stilled in his place. Who was he to demand so much from Rebecca, after all the pain he had caused her. He had his chance and he blew it. Joel retreated. He wanted to make amends, he wanted to tell her he was sorry, and that all he wanted was her. But he didn't, instead he stood up and left.

Days had passed, and they were avoiding each other again. Rebecca finally showed up at work after a three day absence while Joel kept to himself. At a time when they would cross paths on the street both of them would avert their gaze and do their best to avoid each other. They would sit at the same meeting but none from the both of them would speak. 

Joel gave up. There are so many things he wishes she knew what was going inside his head, on how much she was driving him crazy, but whatever they have has already ended. Joel would end his day drinking and getting wasted. Trying to fill the empty hole inside his chest. He would avoid taking his usual way to work, he avoided walking past the hospital. And at times he would get injured, he would head home and fix it himself. He would stitch it himself, alone, basking in the pain, since now, everything was better than the constant empty feeling in his chest. He became more reckless at the patrol that even Tommy was starting to get worried. He became more hot headed. He became more grumpier because he needed to become anything other than what he was feeling. Tommy decided to paired him up with Esther at patrols, if there is anybody that could stick with him it would be her.

At night, Joel would always watch as Rebecca turned her lights off and at morning, whenever he would see her, he would watch her smile brightly without him.

Rebecca gave up. She braced herself for the pain, wondering why she even bothered in love when all that was in store for her was pain. She was always lucky at the wrong things in her life. Maybe this pain was her punishment. But if it is, she didn't want it. The pain was indescribable. She would cry herself to sleep and in the morning she felt like a zombie walking and acting normal when all she was is a mess. She would laugh at jokes that were not funny at all, she would smile at strangers when all she wanted to do is break down. She wanted to shout, to cry, to break things. But she couldn't. She felt trapped. She exchanged eating dinners for staring at the wall crying her eyes out. She would walk down a crowded street only to see memories she had with him. And it hurts so badly. 

Rebecca would always watch as Joel came home, thanking the Deities out there for his safety. She watched as Joel and Esther got close. And she watched as Joel strummed his guitar while Esther sang. It used to be her. But now that her place was vacant, it was up for anyone who wanted to take it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy new year guys! We're nearly there! xoxo


	15. One single thread of gold tying me to you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All these love, contentedness, safety which equate to her endless happiness. She just knew that even though she might not be worthy of all of this, she can't let it go.

Rebecca and Jaques were running away from a pack of runners, they were on patrol, making their way to the cabin for the log and were checking the Southern side when the ambush came. And even before that, they already encountered a pack of runners and were tired already. 

Jaqueline was running ahead of Rebecca, shots could be heard behind her. And then complete, total silent. She stopped and when she turned around Rebecca was nowhere to be found. 

“Rebecca!! Rebecca!!” She shouted. There was no reply. There was no Rebecca. And not even a single runner came. Jaques hurried back to Jackson to call for help. 

Rebecca on the other hand, fell down a cliff and was now nursing her injured foot. She ran to avoid the runners and made a wrong turn and fell. Limping, she made her way to the cabin where she took refuge. She took a piece of wood and splinted her leg foot. She sat on the corner, rifle in hand, ready to shoot the first thing that comes in the door.

Jaqueline rushed to the gates of Jackson and was greeted by Maria with Tommy behind her. She was panting, the absence of her partner on her side was alarming for Tommy. 

“Where is Rebecca?!” Tommy asked.

“I don't know,” Jaques said, “she was just behind me, but when I turned around she was gone,” Jaques explained while catching her breath.

Tommy looked at Maria and she called for their horses. “We’ll look for her,” Maria said.

“I’ll go with you,” Jaques said. 

But before they even left, Joel and Jacob came back from their patrol. Seeing Jaques back already, Joel already knew something was wrong. He turned his horse around and asked, “where?”

“Near the cabin,” Jaques said. 

Jacob reached for her and she hopped on his horse, “you okay?” Jacob asked.

“Im fine, but Rebecca might not be,” Jaques said.

The five of them rushed back to the cabin. And on their way there, they faced the group of runners that chased Jaques and Rebecca. Joel and the others cleaned the area of the infected. They looked for something that will lead them to Rebecca and came across a trail of blood. They followed it and it led them to the cabin. 

Joel’s heart was threatening to leave his chest. He prayed to find her alive. Breathing. He prayed he wasn't too late.

The door suddenly burst open and Rebecca instinctively aimed her rifle at the door, she was too weak to hold it up for a long time. Her vision was becoming blurry, she knew she was losing blood. She cocked her gun, ready to shoot. She knew better than to shoot before knowing who it was, so she waited.

“Rebecca?” A familiar voice called.

“Joel?” She called back. 

Although her voice was weak, Joel was glad to hear her voice. When Joel saw her, breathing and alive, he rushed to her side and hugged her. Rebecca couldn't help it, she burst into tears and hugged him back. She cried her fears out on Joel's arm, and as soon as Joel knew it Rebecca lost consciousness. Joel carried her back to his horse and back at the safety of Jackson. 

Rebecca woke up the day after the incident and was discharged from the hospital. She was resting in her house and was advised to settle down and rest. Her injured foot was casted and she was now walking with crutches. Around the afternoon, Joel came and visited her, he came and made her lunch. The both of them acted as if nothing had happened between them. All pain was momentarily forgotten, except for her foot, its still stings so badly. 

Rebecca peeked through the kitchen door and smelled the dish. "That smells good," Rebecca said delightedly.

"Lunch," Joel informed.

Rebecca hopped on and sat at the counter, Joel handed her the plate and she ate. Joel studied her complex, she's too pale, too tired, bruises here and there, an injured foot. It pained him to see her like this. "Are you resting well?" He asked.

"Yeah, yeah. I am,'' Rebecca lied. The truth was she wasn't, the last time she had a wink of sleep was moons ago, before all this had happened. "I'm fine," she smiled.

Joel leaned on the counter and said, "but you're not."

They both stared at each other. No one wanted to back down. Joel used to watch her from his house, she doesn't eat, she doesn't bathe, she'll close her lights at night but he highly doubts that she sleeps too. 

Rebecca sighed. "Joel, stop," she begged. After all she’s been through, the last thing she wanted was another emotional turmoil.

"I did. Didn't I. Now look at where you are now."

"Joel, I'm fine," Rebecca said as tears pools in her eyes.

"But you're not! And I'm not! And I won't be, as long as you're not," Joel explained.

Rebecca was taken aback, too stunned to talk. Tears started streaming down her face. She wanted to give in, she wanted to cry in his arms and be comforted by him. She wanted him.

"I know what you said, that you're tired of the chase, tired of the pain, and I respect that. But now, I want to know if you really meant it," Joel said, "’cause if you do, then I'll let you go, and this time it'll be for real."

Rebecca didn't want him to let go, she wanted him. And now she's scared. Too scared to even move. But she didn't want to lose him too. Not now, not forever. "Joel. . ." her voice cracked, she started to sob.

Joel studied her and sighed, he grabbed the plate he just handed her and put it aside, he hugged her as she broke down, "I know," he said as he stroked her hair, "I'm here. I won't ever leave." He planted a kiss on her head and hummed to calm her down.

And Rebecca gave in. All her pride and ego were broken down by this man. She let herself feel these feelings she was so afraid of, but wanted so badly to. All these love, contentedness, safety which equate to her endless happiness. She just knew that even though she might not be worthy of all of this, she can't let it go. She has no intention to and will not let go. 

This time everything would be different. This time they would last forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Annndd we're done! Thank you guys for all your support and love and patience. We reached it! We reached the end. Aaahhhhhhh. Love you guys!

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! Its October 1st! Bring out those pumpkin spice lattes! Hope you like this fic. And I had troubles with tagging, if you think there's more to add please do tell me. Hihihi love you all


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